Q: Do you have change for a five?
A: Yes. In pennies.
|
Q: Which way to the restroom?
A: There is no restroom. |
Q: What time is it?
A: Half past twenty-five o'clock. |
Q: What is the weather supposed to be like today?
A: The weather on Pluto will be unbelievably cold and dark. |
Q: What is your name?
A: The same as yours, coincidentally, but spelled backwards. |
Q: Don't I know you from somewhere?
A: I am the little man who has been materializing on your chest in the middle of the night, dancing a jig and whispering hilariously frightening secrets. |
Q: May I borrow a quarter for the parking meter?
A: You will need more than a quarter to buy a parking meter. |
Q: What's your favorite flavor?
A: Cherry red steel chunk. Crunchy frog, also. |
Q: What floor, please?
A: Twelve and a half, thank you. |
Q: Whom shall I say is calling?
A: It's LORD Calling to you, late of Calling Manor, Callingswood, Call-ifornia. |
Q: How much *%$#@ longer am I supposed to wait?
A: All of our customer service representatives are currently busy with other callers. Press "one" if you have a touch-tone phone and any semblance of sanity and human dignity remaining. We do not really expect you to press "one." |
Q: What is the meaning of life?
A: Life is a variety of candy-coated barbed wire twisted into the letters of the Cyrillic alphabet and worn on weighted rubber yokes by followers of the arcane cult of flatulent flagellants known as "The Whipping Boys." |
