Went to the movies today with my brother, Scott, to celebrate his 50th birthday. Okay, his 40th. On the way in, bought him a popcorn and drink for his munching and sipping pleasure…but then I figured, why spend another $45.99 for a drink for myself when I had a perfectly good fresh iced tea from Panera Bread out in the car? So, on the way in, with our purchases in full view, we asked the ticket taking usher if I could bring in a foreign drink. Honestly, it had been so long since I’d considered such a thing, I didn’t know if there was any rule against it. But there is! The usher grew instantly nervous and looked around furtively. “Welll, if you hide it under your c-coat,” he said. “J-just don’t let my manager see it!” So, out to the car I went to retrieve my drink. Unfortunately, I hadn’t gotten a lid at Panera, so it was kind of precarious. But I decided, at considerable risk to life and limb, to give it a try.
Balancing the drink under my nice suede coat, hoping I didn’t experience any spillage, I hustled back into the theater building. Then, a moment of shock and terror! The kid’s manager was right there at the ticket station! What to do? If I stopped to show my ticket, the drink would be visible! Would I be prosecuted to the fullest extent of the law, or simply punished gangland style in the back room of the Badda Bing?
Heart pounding, I decided to run the gauntlet. I rushed past them both, hoping the drink didn’t show or spill. For one maddening instant, I thought I heard a furious voice roaring behind me: “Stop in the name of the overpriced concessions law!”
But no one was chasing me. I slipped into the auditorium unnoticed, found my seat beside my brother, and relaxed. I’d done it! Flouted the ridiculously overpriced theater’s inane policies! And without spillage! Reaching for the tea, I took a nice, long sip and grinned as I swallowed. Yes, the sun was hot over Barcelona today. And yes, the bull’s horns had been very sharp. But when the bull had taken my measure as a man, I had not been found wanting. I drank. And felt the sweet stab of life prickle through me like a million shooting stars in the Kilimanjaro night.
See you soon.